"It is better to have loved..."
Tennyson, he of the "it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all" was an idiot. At least he never truly loved and lost (while forced away from his true love Emily by her family in 1840 he married her secretly in 1850). No, I think a person is better off never having loved at all rather than having known love and losing it.
When you never have something you have only your imagination to fill in what it would be like. In the case of what it feels like to have someone love you imagination just can't fill it in that well. Sure you can imagine someone being happy to see you when you come home from work. You can imagine any flavor of sexual fantasy you want. But those little details that really let you know that you're loved just can't be filled in by an inexperienced imagination.
That's a greater mercy than you'd think until you've seen the other side.
Yes, I'd be one of those people damned with having loved and been loved and having lost that love. Twice. I have no fear of hell because I know what it feels like every time I see a couple doing those little things that scream how much in love they are. And they are little things. Terribly little things that can reach right into your chest and rip your heart out when you see them and know that you've lost them. The gentle fingers that push back the lock of hair that strays into your eyes. The silly little kiss on the tip of your nose that makes you laugh when you're being too serious. Holding hands because it says what you're feeling better than words ever could. Having your lover slip his arms around you from behind and rest his chin on your shoulder. Leaning back into him and tilting you head back onto his shoulder, and savoring the moment. Grocery shopping. How's that for a little thing you'd never imagine as having an impact?
No, better to have never loved at all than to have loved and lost. Once you've shared your life with someone there's a hole left when they leave you. If you never made space for someone, never given space in your heart to someone, you can't know the horrible emptiness that they leave behind when they go away.
Mercifully, you can't imagine that either.
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